AUGUST, 9TH 2008

nobody@vox.com(P!NKY-MAL!N) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 11:31:57 -0700

AUGUST, 9TH 2008
WELL.. I GUESS I'LL START BY TELLING A LITTLE MORE ABOUT MYSELF. :D
MY NAME IS HEATHER AND I'M A SWEET, BUBBLY LATINA GIRL FROM SLC UTAH, USA.
MY LIFE BACK THERE.. WASN'T EXACTLY A NICE ONE, PRETTY GLAD I FOUND HIM AND FLEW ACROSS THE WORLD WITH HIM... EH HEH! I'M SKIPPING. :D LET ME START FROM THE BEGINING.
MY LIFE BACK IN UTAH WASN'T LIKE I SAID.. NICE. GROWINT UP SINCE I WAS JUST A BABE.. ALL I'D HEAR FROM THE ONE PERSON I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN HEARING IT FROM WAS.. STUFF THAT DIDN'T EXACTLY HELP ME BUILD A GOOD SELF-ESTEEM.
MY FATHER WOULD TELL ME FROM A VERY YOUNG AGE THAT I WAS "FAT, UGLY, STUPID.. ETC." BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'D HEARD THIS SINCE I WAS 4 YEARS OLD!!!
I WOULD STARVE MYSELF IN FEARS THAT I WOULDN'T FIX IT.. I BELIEVED HIM. ISN'T THAT WHAT A GOOD CHILD SHOULD DO? AT TIMES I WOULD PASS OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF SCHOOL.
THIS WENT ON 'TIL 1ST GRADE IN SCHOOL FOR ME. THERE WAS STHIS BOY I REALLY LIKED... AND ONE DAY WHILE ON THE JUNGLE GYM.. HE TOLD ME, "YOU'RE SO.... SKINNY" THERE'S A CRINGE OF DISCUST ACROSS HIS FACE. I REMEMBER THE SINKING FEELING INSIDE ME.
YES, I STARTED EATING. BUT, THERE WAS THIS FEAR THAT I WOULD END UP DISAPOINTING MY FATHER AND GET "FATTER" SO I WOULD INDUCE VOMITING.
I'D BEEN BOLIMIC MOST OF MY LIFEE. :(
WASN'T JUST EATING DISORDERS THAT I HAD TO COPE WITH MY WHOLE LIFE BUT THE NEED TO BE ACCEPTED AND TOLD I WAS BEAUTIFUL AND MORE.
I WOULD HAVE FAKE ID'S AND WEAR RATHER REVEALING CLOTHES.. DATE OLDER GUYS.. ER... *MEN*
I HAD NEVER TOLD ANYONE 'BOUT THIS.
BUT THEN, ON MAY 2005
I THOUGHT IT'D BE SOMETHING NFEW AND DIFFERENT TO DO. I JOINED A PEN PAL SITE. AND SURE ENOUGH.. :) I RECEIVED AN E-MAIL.
I SAW THAT THERE WAS A NEW MESSAGE WAITING FOR ME..
I JUST REMEMBER THINKING TO MYSELF... (ITS *HIM*) :D
IT WAS A FINNISH MAN. WE WROTE AND WROTE, GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER INSIDE OUT. FELL IN LOVE. AND THEN... PUT ON WEB CAMERAS.... I REMEMBER BEING SO SCARED THAT I'D FRIGHTEN HIM AWAY.
AFTER I TURNED ON MY WEB CAMERA..... UTTER AND COMPLETE SILENCE.. THEN, HE WROTE, "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.. SO PRETTY" MY HEART WAS A FLUTTER.
I MARRIED HIM WHEN I WAS 16 YEARS OLD.. WE'RE STILL MARRIED TO THIS DAY AND STARTING A LIFE IN FINLAND. HE'S HELPING ME GET OVER MY FATHER'S PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE.
BUT REALLY.. ALL THAT, DOESNT MAKE ME.. ME.
THAT IS JUST THE BEGINING OF MY JOURNEY.
BUT FOR ANYONE WHO NEEDS HELP AND WANTS TO TALK.. I'M HERE-

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AUGUST, 9TH 2008